As I continued in my daily Bible studies, God lead me back to the gospels to study how Jesus discipled the apostles. As I read each day, God brought more questions to light for me to ask myself, followed by challenges. I began to worry day by day that God could possibly call us to deepest darkest Africa as my former youth pastor used to say (sorry for the grammatical errors Mark). But God kept bringing comfort through the scriptures as he challenged my way of thinking more and more. There I was living the "American dream" quite content, but God was starting to make me feel like something wasn't right. Here I was doing everything I thought I was supposed to do in my career. I worked hard trying my best to advance in my job and make my Dad proud. But my heavenly Father was speaking back to me and showing me that the things I was investing my time in to meet the status quo, would some day rot, and my coveted retirement plan was not promised. Basically there was no guarantee that I could work my whole life and have something to show for it. What if God called me and I took a detour around His plan for my life because the road appeared to be too rough? Would my life still bear fruit? Would there be regrets? Would God punish me if I "chickened out"?
About nine months after experiencing Bill Drake's concert, I got a phone call from my buddy Jon asking if I would be willing to sit in on electric guitar with the band for a concert. What? I couldn't believe my ears! It was a prayer answered that I never specifically prayed for. I just never thought I would ever be able to be part of a ministry like Bill's. I never thought I was good enough or important enough, so I never prayed for the chance. (I so love the intersession of the Holy Spirit.) So I was off to Wyoming. I came back even more messed by the Lord, and loaded with more questions. What was I doing with Jesus' command to "go and make disciples of all nations"? What if He did call me to leave my job, my comfort zone, one day. What if He called me to "go" as in leaving the US and moving to some other country to be a missionary? The more questions I had, the more comfort God brought though. At the time He didn't answer with specifics, but He answered in a way that brought me comfort in my heart. The kind of comfort that I couldn't argue with if He did call me to "go". And I couldn't dupe God. He had a rebuttal through scripture for every argument I threw at Him. "What about my job? How would I support my family if I quit and pursued ministry?" "What about Laura's family? We are so close to them?" "What about our church? We have been there all our lives?""You called our best friends to go; how could you possibly call us to go too? I must be hearing wrong."
As yet more time passed, God began to "take away" my vices. Number one was my grandfather whom I loved dearly. I was always afraid that if I moved away, my grandfather would pass and I would not be there to say goodbye. This fear became reality when my grandfather passed away in April 2009, while I was on tour in Germany with Bill Drake. The awesome thing though, is that even there I knew that God had me exactly where He wanted me, and it was the best place to be. I was doing His work, and He was comforting me through my Christian family that I was growing quite close with. Of course I grieved, but my heart was also busy being offered to the Lord during the tour, therefore it could not be overly consumed with sorrow.
Number two was my Parents, my Grandmother, and my Aunt Shirley. I always wanted to live in the same town as them. I even wanted to live on my parents block. Well.. they moved to Madera California in June 2009.
Number three was my job. I loved my job. I loved my job because of all I could do; all the variety. I loved my job because I felt like I made my Dad proud just by having it. I loved working in the City I grew up in. I felt a sense of ownership. Things have started to change over the last three years though. The fire started to fizzle out, something I thought would never happen. The job I was sure I would retire from wasn't so appetizing anymore. God has also blessed me immensely in the fact that I reached my personal goal at my job. My goal stepping in the door on January 10, 2000 was to get as high in the ranks as I could, which in my case was the position of Services Manager. I was promoted last year to Services Manager without having to interview. What a blessing! Additionally, in just two months I will be at the top of the pay scale for the position. This is a place I didn't imagine myself reaching until I was 50 years old, and five years from retirement. But.....I don't say these thing to brag. I am explaining all this just so I can say that God has showed me that the grass is not greener at the top. As a matter of fact, I much preferred the grass back down at the bottom. Money and status are no substitute for my joy, or even health for that matter. I got duped. My dreams were handed to me, and they aren't what I expected. Even still, I praise God for the experience, for I can leave now not wondering what could have been had I stayed. I can go no farther without an Engineering degree, and I am not going back to College to get one, just to see if more money and responsibility will make me happy. I am reminded of one of my Pastor's messages entitled, "you may get what you want, but you may not want what you get".
Finally and most importantly is number four; my wife. If leaving our comfort zone would be hard for anyone, it would be for my wife. I am not saying that she is weak (she most definitely isn't), but God had already whittled away my ties. Virtually all of Laura's family is within a 15 minutes drive. I have never pushed Laura into believing that God is calling us to go. I have never asked her to pray that we might join OM. I have never asked her to pray about leaving her family. What I have prayed was "God show us both your will" and "God if you want us to go, then YOU are going to have to get my wife on board." And He did just that in August of 2009 when we visited our friends in Georgia and finally decided we could submit a "harmless" application for OM. After the decision, Laura had a rough night in Georgia as she pondered the possible change ahead, but she has actually been the driving force in our marriage keeping us on track and in obedience to what God is calling us to. God answered my prayers, and gave me confirmation through Laura, and then some! If anything I have felt like the one lacking in faith and scared at times, but she has been there like a military general telling me to man up, stop lagging and obey the Lord in the direction He's leading. Whether it be completing the application, or preparing our future budget, she has been there when I was lacking the drive. And she's backed it up with scripture. Ouch!
Looking back over the last three years, I see a time of and molding and shaping. A time which still continues. As I have mentioned, the answers to the questions I ask God haven't always been easy to swallow at first. The idea of living by the support of others has been a bit scary at times. But there in the seemingly uncomfortable times, God has provided contentment and comfort that is beyond measure, for I know that through it all, He will be there, He is faithful, and He will glorify Himself in our lives and the lives of others. I am not going to lie, there are still times where my fear or lack of faith get in the way and I fail to respond right away to His leading, which makes for disobedience. As Rick Warren writes in The Purpose Driven Life, "...delayed obedience is really disobedience". I pray that I can be moldable though and I do so only by staying plugged in to Him. When I stray, the clay of my being begins to harden and the molding of the masters hands tends to hurt a bit more as He has to be a bit more forceful, which is not fun.
Since my first trip to Wyoming, the opportunities to tour with the Bill Drake band have continued and Laura and I have been blessed by them, as well as thousands of other people. (Thousands may really sound large, but we had the chance to minister to approximately 8000 youth during our last concert in Germany this past May alone!) Since traveling to Wyoming, I've also been to Iowa, Los Angeles, Germany twice, Austria, Switzerland, and in December I traveled to Lebanon. Each time, every concert and every message is a challenge to my faith and the way I am living. Through my experiences on these missionary trips, as well as missions trips to Mendota with our church, God has taught me about the meaning of the body of Christ, and He has also produced in me an incredible passion to see the members of the church body functioning at maximum capacity for the purpose of ensuring that the Gospel is taken to all the nations in order to make disciples of Jesus Christ. No one member is insignificant. I know that is not the statement of the century, but God has really shown me that each person, and every function is important and vital. Just because He calls one to go, doesn't mean the one He calls to send is less important. Each ministry must be His ministry, and must be inspired by Him for His purposes. If it isn't really His ministry, the light will eventually expose it and it will wither and die. Remember, it's the church that is the vessel through which God chose to spread His gospel.
Now looking forward, I see what we call "God sized" tasks awaiting; tasks that we cannot accomplish on our own. These include selling our home and seeing our parents freed from its debt. Also raising our entire financial support as we will be 100% support based. And we know that in the life of a missionary, God sized tasks increase as reliance on Him truly becomes a necessity. We can use your prayers!
God has pursued me, a lowly worthless unworthy seemingly insignificant sinner, and He has also pursued my wife. God challenged me, and increased my faith in the process. He refutes every argument I throw His way, and steers me back on the path upon which He is leading us on in the times when I question whether or not I have heard him correctly. We must trust and obey Him, for there is no better place to be than nestled in the grip of His will, no matter how uncomfortable our earthly situations may be. After all, as Christians we strive for the prize of an eternity spent with the Lord. Why then should we have any reason to worry when we let him take control? What is the worst that can happen?
