Angels rejoice, tantrums come, love them even when it hurts......

This blog has good news, bad news (well for Gino and I anyways), and then more good news.

First, on a cold November evening, Thursday, the 7th - if you listened real hard or at least closed your eyes and envisioned it - angels were joining Gino and I in rejoicing over Sean deciding to be a believer in Jesus Christ. (Luke 15:7) After asking many questions and dealing with fears and nightmares (that's a whole other blog), and after hearing since he was 2 - precious songs he loves to make up to Jesus, it was time. It was time to ask him if he was ready to decide if he wanted to be friends with Jesus, if he believed he needed Jesus and if he wanted the gift of God's Holy Spirit to live in his heart and guide him through his journey here on earth. The awesome thing is in my heart and Gino's - we know without a doubt this is sincere. 4 years old - his child like faith astounds me. The prayers and words that come out of his mouth sometimes leave me in tears and speechless. And yet, he is still 4. It is our job to make sure this seed of faith remains cultivated, pruned, watered, cared for, so it will grow.

So the bad news (sort of)....well of course after this happened Sean has been tested all over the place. He still astounds me as he is gifted with honesty (for the most part). Yesterday we were walking back to the car after getting him his own Bible, (He's so excited and it glows in the dark so that is pure boy awesomeness. It made my heart sing when he asked to sleep with it), and I asked him why he was having such a hard time obeying. You know what he said, "Well mom, sometimes I just get tired of obeying." I had to smile a bit because that raw honesty is hard to find. Don't we all feel like that sometimes We just get tired of obeying.  He even told us early this week that he felt a burning in his tummy and felt the Holy Spirit tell him to stop doing something so he did. So there is this tug of war  - visible tug of war going on inside him.

Today of all days has been difficult and it's only 11:30am here. Why? Sean came in at 6:00 am to ask to brush his teeth, (yes I'm glad he has good hygiene ethics but really there's new toothpaste he wanted). After telling him to wait till after breakfast and to go back to bed, he decided he would disobey and also bring his baby brother in with him. Hugh then ate toothpaste from the trash (gag) and Sean found that hilarious which Hugh liked so he kept at it. Wrong choice! Well again Sean said he was tired of obeying. So he decided to tell his brother to put all their play dough into his teacup (with tea in it) and then proceeded to urge his brother to drink it. (I of course heard all this and walked in on them) Sean immediately chose to blame his brother. So he has been spending time cleaning every piece of play dough off the floor and is now spending time writing "Don't tell Hugh to disobey".  This is what you would call the pruning stage. While I love his honesty and would love to brush this off as 4 year old behavior I cannot. Not if I want him to understand that there's consequences to our actions even when forgiveness is in place. The verse in Proverbs 3:11-12 (also Hebrews 12:5-6) "My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights."  Proverbs 13:24 "If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them." 

 More good news. It wasn't till Sean asked me to explain why disciplining him means I love him that I understood God's reasoning for disciplining us. At times we see Him as a harsh God, as unmerciful. Just like Sean sees me right now. But as I explained that when I was little I had consequences and even now when I disobey I have consequences he understood. He didn't like it but he understood. See I am trying to show him that it is better to do what pleases God than to do whatever he wants. God says "If you love me then obey me." This is what brings God pleasure. What makes him smile. Just like when I obeyed my parents, it brought them smiles and pleasure and it showed them I trusted in their guidance. How often do I go my own way because I'm tired of obeying, because I'm not trusting in God's plans for me. And yet staying in God's will is for my benefit. Sean obeying me is for his benefit. It's teaching him to act kindly, gently, lovingly, etc. It teaches him that even when it's hard and tiring, that to do what is right is better. Consequences come in all forms. Sometimes it's us learning how to clean up our own mess, sometimes it's on our hands and knees scrubbing play dough off the ground, sometimes it's a swat, sometimes it's missing out on dessert, etc. The list goes on. It's my way of pruning him so he can grow and flourish. But it's humbling to me because I need to recognize this in my own life and see that my God is a good father who disciplines me because he loves me and wants me to flourish. He wants us all to live a life, a life abundantly. Not to wither and fade. Not to just be good to be good. He wants me to know I need him.

So it's pruning season in this household. I honestly hate it and now I realize God doesn't like it either. It hurts my heart and it often effects our day. I can't imagine what God must be thinking when I choose to disobey - how it hurts his heart and effects His plans. He may be Almighty God, who knows all - but just because He knows what we will choose doesn't mean it doesn't hurt his heart. He is the creator of feelings, he is the master of feelings. I often wonder if his agony and hurt is more than we can ever fathom. Just as his joy over our obedience can be only slightly seen through a parent-child relationships.

So today I am thankful that God is using this season of pruning, to prune my heart as well. That as I type this my little boy sitting next to me, is hugging me in the midst of tears and writing. That he knows in his heart I love him. God may I cling to you in the midst of my tears and when I go through pruning. May I always know in my heart....you love me.