Season of Change

Change. So many feelings come attached to this word. And as we actually experience it - these feelings ebb and flow. Change. I think of a roller coaster when I think of that word. Because excitement comes with it. Fear of the drops or "valleys" shall I say definitely come with it. Taking a breath as the ride plateaus for a break also comes with it. Grief when the ride is ended and the desire for more can also come with it. Or sheer terror at possibly going through it again can also accompany this word. So many feelings. And yet when I look back at these last few years, change has been one of my most constant companions. Our newest change has been arriving here in Kosovo. I can say that one of the most constant emotions on this chapter in our life as a family has been God's tender love for us. We are constantly being encouraged and provided for and loved on. There is hard but there is also good. There is bitter but there is also a lot of sweet. I thought I'd share some pictures on this journey to give you a glimpse of this new change that is happening around us.

A view from our balcony

Ok one more view from our balcony

Hugh helping mama vacuum our blue kitchen carpet 

Our first team dinner  and meeting - which included my grandma Mary's picadillo recipe. Yum!

Walking to my friend's house. Can you tell on my face I'm hoping I remember which street to turn onto. This was right before my head almost collided with a flying soccer ball.

As you can see I didn't get lost and was able to go to my friend's plays script reading. Such a fun evening and met more wonderful people

Huge answer to prayer! Our local friend's dad went with Gino and our team to a car sale area that our city has on Sundays. What a blessing and answer to pray. We have a van that we can use and that our team can use. So when you want to visit - here's what you will ride in.

I end with another answered prayer. With no netflix and hardly any TV our kids are growing a lot closer as well. Learning to get along in closer spaces and leaning on one another. Kayleigh especially loves her big brother. Whoever marries her one day has big shoes to fill as far as she's concerned.

While change is hard and there are times when we miss friends, miss family, miss what's comfortable, I hope we all can be encouraged and recognize the good and the sweet and celebrate each victory no matter how small....like getting a van, during these seasons of change in each of our lives.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Lately I have been totally drawn to the lyrical content of hymns. Specifically hymns written by Charles Wesley. After hearing "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" this month and actually listening to the lyrics, I have to say that is probably one of my favorite Christmas songs.

Anyways, I was reading through a few of his hymns this morning, and there was one that stuck out quite powerfully this morning. Here is the Hymn: (I've boldened the parts I'm focusing on):

Lamb of God Whose Bleeding Heart - by Charles Wesley

1 LAMB of God, whose bleeding love We now recall to mind, Send the answer from above, And let us mercy find; Think on us, who think on thee; And every struggling soul release; O remember Calvary, And bid us go in peace!

2 By thine agonizing pain And bloody sweat, we pray, By thy dying love to man, Take all our sins away: Burst our bonds, and set us free; From all iniquity release; O remember Calvary, And bid us go in peace!

3 Let thy blood, by faith applied, The sinner's pardon seal; Speak us freely justified, And all our sickness heal; By thy passion on the tree, Let all our griefs and troubles cease; O remember Calvary, And bid us go in peace!

4 Never will we hence depart, Till thou our wants relieve, Write forgiveness on our heart, And all thine image give! Still our souls shall cry to thee, Till perfected in holiness; O remember Calvary, And bid us go in peace!

There is a famous Christmas song "O Christmas tree". Here is one of it's verses:
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree,
Your beauty green will teach me
That hope and love will ever be
The way to joy and peace for me.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree,
Your beauty green will teach me


I don't know about you but one of my favorite things about Christmas is all the decorations and especially the "piece de resistance" - the Christmas tree. I love the lights, the sparkles, the ornaments, the memories, the legacies and stories as many ornaments carry special meaning or are inherited. We often gather around to look at it, to admire it, to fill it with good things. I want to ask you to take time to remember another tree. It really does give me joy to look at the trees all decorated and at night when all the lights are off and only the lights on the tree burst through the dark, it really brings a serenity to my evening.

As I read this hymn, my thoughts turned to another tree. A red stained tree, a tree set up in a place for all people to stare at, to look at, to be focused on. A tree that wreaked of my sins. A tree that cried out with the world that their Creator was dying. A tree that held up the Lamb of God - who takes away the sins of the world. A tree that is so hard to look at because it cuts me deep. It humbles me. And yet if I take time to look at that tree - my Jesus - "By your passion on the tree - let all our griefs and troubles cease. O remember Calvary and bid us go in peace!". The Christmas Carol is kind of right. If I focus on a tree, the tree, my Saviors tree - it "teaches" me that "hope and love will ever be, the way to joy and peace for me."

So as I see the beautiful trees this season, my mind will now shift to another bright shining, gift giving, beautifully decorated tree. We may celebrate Jesus' birth the 25th but his birth represents far more than a babies cry. It represents my Lord's plan: "For God did not send His son into the world to condemn it, but to Save the world through Him."

I wrote this this morning and pray it blesses you as it blesses me. Let us take a moment as we look at those beautiful tree to think of another more Glorious tree.


Glorious red stained tree
The vision of you summons me
To look deep within my heart
To unbusy my life and instead impart
The truth of what my Savior planned
To unstain the world from the sins of man
All God's passions laid on that tree
To deliver thee, to deliver me
Born to die, my Jesus came
Lamb of God, born and slain
Now justified we can stand
Before our Savior at God's right hand
Shouldering my wretched sin
So God, in me, will only see Him
Pardoned, Redeemed, Saved am I
That's what I see when I take the time
To study that Glorious red stained tree
The vision of you summons me
and fills me with God's holy peace

Angels rejoice, tantrums come, love them even when it hurts......

This blog has good news, bad news (well for Gino and I anyways), and then more good news.

First, on a cold November evening, Thursday, the 7th - if you listened real hard or at least closed your eyes and envisioned it - angels were joining Gino and I in rejoicing over Sean deciding to be a believer in Jesus Christ. (Luke 15:7) After asking many questions and dealing with fears and nightmares (that's a whole other blog), and after hearing since he was 2 - precious songs he loves to make up to Jesus, it was time. It was time to ask him if he was ready to decide if he wanted to be friends with Jesus, if he believed he needed Jesus and if he wanted the gift of God's Holy Spirit to live in his heart and guide him through his journey here on earth. The awesome thing is in my heart and Gino's - we know without a doubt this is sincere. 4 years old - his child like faith astounds me. The prayers and words that come out of his mouth sometimes leave me in tears and speechless. And yet, he is still 4. It is our job to make sure this seed of faith remains cultivated, pruned, watered, cared for, so it will grow.

So the bad news (sort of)....well of course after this happened Sean has been tested all over the place. He still astounds me as he is gifted with honesty (for the most part). Yesterday we were walking back to the car after getting him his own Bible, (He's so excited and it glows in the dark so that is pure boy awesomeness. It made my heart sing when he asked to sleep with it), and I asked him why he was having such a hard time obeying. You know what he said, "Well mom, sometimes I just get tired of obeying." I had to smile a bit because that raw honesty is hard to find. Don't we all feel like that sometimes We just get tired of obeying.  He even told us early this week that he felt a burning in his tummy and felt the Holy Spirit tell him to stop doing something so he did. So there is this tug of war  - visible tug of war going on inside him.

Today of all days has been difficult and it's only 11:30am here. Why? Sean came in at 6:00 am to ask to brush his teeth, (yes I'm glad he has good hygiene ethics but really there's new toothpaste he wanted). After telling him to wait till after breakfast and to go back to bed, he decided he would disobey and also bring his baby brother in with him. Hugh then ate toothpaste from the trash (gag) and Sean found that hilarious which Hugh liked so he kept at it. Wrong choice! Well again Sean said he was tired of obeying. So he decided to tell his brother to put all their play dough into his teacup (with tea in it) and then proceeded to urge his brother to drink it. (I of course heard all this and walked in on them) Sean immediately chose to blame his brother. So he has been spending time cleaning every piece of play dough off the floor and is now spending time writing "Don't tell Hugh to disobey".  This is what you would call the pruning stage. While I love his honesty and would love to brush this off as 4 year old behavior I cannot. Not if I want him to understand that there's consequences to our actions even when forgiveness is in place. The verse in Proverbs 3:11-12 (also Hebrews 12:5-6) "My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights."  Proverbs 13:24 "If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them." 

 More good news. It wasn't till Sean asked me to explain why disciplining him means I love him that I understood God's reasoning for disciplining us. At times we see Him as a harsh God, as unmerciful. Just like Sean sees me right now. But as I explained that when I was little I had consequences and even now when I disobey I have consequences he understood. He didn't like it but he understood. See I am trying to show him that it is better to do what pleases God than to do whatever he wants. God says "If you love me then obey me." This is what brings God pleasure. What makes him smile. Just like when I obeyed my parents, it brought them smiles and pleasure and it showed them I trusted in their guidance. How often do I go my own way because I'm tired of obeying, because I'm not trusting in God's plans for me. And yet staying in God's will is for my benefit. Sean obeying me is for his benefit. It's teaching him to act kindly, gently, lovingly, etc. It teaches him that even when it's hard and tiring, that to do what is right is better. Consequences come in all forms. Sometimes it's us learning how to clean up our own mess, sometimes it's on our hands and knees scrubbing play dough off the ground, sometimes it's a swat, sometimes it's missing out on dessert, etc. The list goes on. It's my way of pruning him so he can grow and flourish. But it's humbling to me because I need to recognize this in my own life and see that my God is a good father who disciplines me because he loves me and wants me to flourish. He wants us all to live a life, a life abundantly. Not to wither and fade. Not to just be good to be good. He wants me to know I need him.

So it's pruning season in this household. I honestly hate it and now I realize God doesn't like it either. It hurts my heart and it often effects our day. I can't imagine what God must be thinking when I choose to disobey - how it hurts his heart and effects His plans. He may be Almighty God, who knows all - but just because He knows what we will choose doesn't mean it doesn't hurt his heart. He is the creator of feelings, he is the master of feelings. I often wonder if his agony and hurt is more than we can ever fathom. Just as his joy over our obedience can be only slightly seen through a parent-child relationships.

So today I am thankful that God is using this season of pruning, to prune my heart as well. That as I type this my little boy sitting next to me, is hugging me in the midst of tears and writing. That he knows in his heart I love him. God may I cling to you in the midst of my tears and when I go through pruning. May I always know in my heart....you love me.

Albania

Gino is back home. Still getting adjusted to the time difference.  Here is a video put together by one of the team mates. We wanted to share this with all of you as well. God bless -

A glimpse at Gino's last trip...

Gino has been working hard at getting the details on his last trip to Kosovo done which will be sent out to our team. It's long but it's detailed and will share about each place visited. (If you aren't part of our team and would like to be, feel free to contact us.) One of the teammates put this video together and we wanted to share it with those who wish to see a bit of what went on while they were there. Thanks to all who were praying for him and us while he was there.

Painted Prayer

Many times God will use a song or a passage in scripture or even a sermon to plant or burn an image in my mind. I cannot let it go at times. This week a song has been in my heart, actually it's been in my heart for a few weeks and I've been wanting to paint but haven't been able to. I've attached the song for those who'd like to hear it. It's called "Set a Fire" by Will Reagan and United Pursuit. I kept envisioning a ballet dancer dressed in a costume that looked like swirls of fire and dancing in a way that looked like fire was bursting around her. I was finally able to sit down and paint today. I call my paintings "painted prayers" because honestly I'm praying these songs, scriptures, and sermons over myself, family, and others depending on the picture. In this painting the dancer is holding onto what looks like ribbon. It's to represent the holy spirit pouring out from her. It's floating a bit wildly and slightly out of her control. I hope and pray that I live madly in love with my Savior. A love that lights all around me - to a point that it's uncontainable or uncontrollable. I hope this painted prayer will encourage you and make you smile and say "I want more of you God, I want more of you God." - Love Laura

One Wish...

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away and everything is NEW."

Romans 12:2 "Do no be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God - what is good and well -pleasing and perfect."

I wanted to share with all of you what God has been doing in my life personally these past 6 months.  God has been transforming me and changing me and stretching me and challenging me in ways I would never have even fathomed or thought possible years ago. I am learning that God can use us in so many different ways. And every day, every week, every month, every year - can and will look different when you make yourself available to His will for your life. What do I mean? God has taken this terribly shy, fearful, homebody, introvert - and just turned me upside down. And I am saying "this is good". This is hard, but this is good. I could tell you 6 months ago that you were crazy if you thought I'd be called an artist or painter. I'd have called you insane if you thought I'd make an good Sunday school teacher and would turn down singing in church because really my passion was now to teach 6-11 year olds. I would say you were crazy if you told me I'd look forward to every Sunday being with those kids and digging into God word. I would have said you were crazy if you told me I would commit to doing street evangelism in my community - let alone willing to even think about doing it. And yet here I am about to share about a specific challenge God brought before me and I'm so glad he did. 

A few weeks ago Gino came home from his early Friday morning prayer group and said that Richard Sharp (he is part of OM) was going to have a booth at our Founder's Day Carnival.  My neighbor thought of me and wanted to know if I'd be a part of her group. They were going to be doing his "One Wish" outreach. What is "One Wish" you say. Well I'm glad you asked. This is an amazing foundational tool that Richard Sharp has created throughout years of doing street evangelism. This man and his sweet wife Rachel love the Lord so much. They genuinely love people and want them to have a friendship with God. They care - you can hear it in their voices when they talk to you. You basically ask a stranger a question and then use a bracelet, if they allow you to, to explain God's wish for their life. There's more but pause so I can give you my dilemma. 

I am very shy. Approaching strangers is a nightmare for me. I stumble over my words, I worry how will I look to them, will they hear me, will they think I'm crazy. As you can see, it's a very "me" centered type fear. Well I think I looked wide eyed at Gino and said "what?!?" a few times to him. He kindly assured me he hadn't committed to it for me. To which I replied - I will pray about it. A knot had already formed in my stomach. I also had a shouting match with God in my head because Gino had been so excited when he originally heard about this and was even wanting to blog about it and share it with our churches back home to see if they'd want some of the bracelets and tracts. I remember saying "What the heck!!! Lord you know Gino was so excited about this. Why in the world am I being asked to do this? Why?????" Surely you don't want me to do this right? Right?" - As I wrestled with this over the weekend, while the kids were playing out front I ran into Penny my neighbor. She asked about what I thought and I told her I'd pray about it but I was scared because I tend to stress out on what to say after "Hi, how are you?". She laughed and said "well that gives the Holy Spirit room to speak and lead us." That stayed with me. Also as I journaled if I should do it - the song "I'm not ashamed of the gospel" by Hillsong popped into my head over and over again." I knew in my heart from the beginning God wanted me to do this. If I was too afraid to say yes - then I'm ashamed of my God. There is a serious problem if I am ashamed of my God.  So I told Gino - I'm suppose to say yes. There's nothing to pray about anymore. I'm going to say yes. I had peace about it until the day of. I kept praying that God would just open my mouth to speak like he did for the prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would give me courage and a voice because I felt I was like Moses.  I am not skilled in speech Lord. 

So Friday night came and I went. It was for an hour as there were many who volunteered to work in shifts. So now I will return to what the point of what this event was about. "One Wish". We were to approach people (I was paired with Penny) wearing our One Wish T-shirt and One wish bracelet. We were to ask them, "Have you been asked the One wish question." If they were interested we'd ask them. "If you could have 1 wish from God for you today, what would it be?" Depending on the answer we would ask them if we could say a 1 sentence prayer just asking God to help their wish come true. We then would ask them if they knew that God has 1 wish for them? We then would ask them if we could quickly show them on our bracelet which had 4 pictures - what God's wish for them was.  I will not go through everything but if you want to learn more - please let us know. This is something that you can use anywhere. Richard and his wife have used this at airports, getting a haircut, friends, family, talking to someone in line or at checkout, etc. It's such an awesome tool that you can use. Such a sincere question. You can also look at www.onewish4u.com to learn more. 

So I was scared. But Richard Sharp said "you're scared, I'm scared, let's all be scared together." Gino also reminded me gently "Laura just remember why you are doing this. This is all for the love of people. You love them, you want them to be aware of God's hope and love." I still could barely eat but it helped. So I went.  I realized as we were there that God was giving me training. He allowed me to pray with 2 women. Both said they were Christians but they let us into their lives. They got to a point where they shared with us and we were able to pray for them. One was very reserved especially but by the end she and I were chatting and talking about kids and she allowed me to pray for her teenage son to make wise choices because she was nervous about leaving him alone the carnival. I was terrified about approaching people but I could see God had surrounded me with such an amazing group of women and he was showing me how to do this. How to be genuine, how to love strangers. I feel like God said "My daughter you are being trained. You thought I was going to use you to speak into someone's life but I am hear to speak into yours. Learn from these godly men and women." It was an amazing night and honestly I felt like the time went by so quick. I had an urge to keep doing this. Who am I? Who is this girl I see in the mirror. Who is the person I've become? Well, as we drove home the ladies were saying how we should keep doing this, keep practicing this so that this becomes part of us. We decided to try to do this once a month. And I said yes without hesitation. What? Lord you have transformed me because a couple weeks ago - I would have avoided my neighbor and hid in the closet. What mighty powers our God has. So God willing, November 1st will be our 2nd outing as a group and I pray that God will give me the strength to approach at least 1 person. The night I went there - 2 people for sure decided to accept God's hand of Friendship. To be a part of that event was so encouraging to me. I know God has his reasons for taking me there. I'm so glad He did. 

I wanted to thank our ministry team and to encourage them that we are being given opportunities to reach not only across the world but also in our own backyard. Thank you for being a part of this. Please be praying for the people who came across us that weekend. Pray that the seeds planted grow. Pray that those who did accept God's hand of friendship will get plugged into a good church and get into God's word. Pray that God will give me boldness in times when I'm scared. Pray that I get an opportunity to talk to even just 1 person through God's 1 wish for them. Pray for Richard Sharp's ministry to grow. This is such an awesome thing he is doing. He has used this all over the world. Jesus will always use us in different ways but when it comes to sharing God's hope - this is such a great place to start.

Let us all allow you to transform us God. Help me lay aside pride and my own agenda and instead seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. May we all be allowed to impact this world for your glory and to help lead others into an eternal friendship with you. Amen.